Contrary
to popular belief, St. Paul was a strong advocate of the
institution of marriage. While he himself had the gift of
singleness, and chose to remain single to do God’s work, he
acknowledged in his writings that not everyone was similarly
gifted.
Seeking God for a Mate
This process consists of four steps: 1) Seek to know God for who
He really is, 2) Seek to obey Him in your day to day life, 3) Seek
to understand and appreciate men for who God made them to be
(especially to see the differences between women and men), and
finally, 4) Seek to embrace a woman’s biblical role and
responsibility in a marriage relationship. (By this I mean,
respect a man’s role to lead and head a family and accept a
woman’s role to follow that leadership and help that man in every
aspect of his life.)
Strive to
Exhibit the Character of Christ-- Fear and loathing of the
opposite sex sets in after years of heartbreak and disappointment.
Ask God to give you a new heart and mind. Pray for an ability to
love men, and a heart to be a helper to a man the way God designed
you to be. The enemy is in the business of distorting the
character of Christ in us, and we need to resist his efforts to do
so. We need to move toward being Faithful and Loving and away from
being Fearful and Loathing!
Learn How to
Love Men-- Study the Biblical definition of Love 1Corinthians
13. Write it out, replace the word love with your name. How can
you better demonstrate Godly love in your relationships? Let down
the wall of self-protection and mistrust. You built it, only you
can tear it down.
Find
Intercessors-- Ask your family and friends to pray for you and
your future marriage. Remember the story of Isaac and Rebecca. The
father and his servant were both praying and looking to God as
they sought a bride for Isaac.
Ask for Wisdom and
Discernment--
Learn to walk by faith and not by sight when it comes to finding a
mate. Study how to hear the voice of God, how he leads us in
decision making. We look at the exterior of a man, God looks at
the heart. Start looking at the heart of a man, not at his
external features. The character of a man is his true value.
Partner in
Prayer-- Pray with a
like-minded Christian for your relationship lives and your future
husband. This is called Prayer Partnering. When two or more are
gathered together, He is in their midst and hears and answers
their prayers! Ask God to deliver you from the Evil One. Ask Him
to remove bondages, hindrances, curses, and generational sins.
Satan hates marriage, and comes against it with his full arsenal.
But God is more powerful and you have the authority to stop
Satan’s mission against your marriage. The Authority of the
Believer!
Become a Member of
a Prayer Team--
Surround yourself with uplifting, positive, "permission giving"
influences. Join a small group that studies the Word and Prays
together. The Word says, "Confess your sins to one another, that
you may be healed." Some healing requires confession before a
group. Other healing will come only through fasting and prayer.
Some of my most important breakthroughs came after a day of
fasting.
Begin the
Discipline of Scripture Reading--
Seek to know God, to understand his character and His ways. Pray
for Him to give you wisdom, discernment. Pray for God to illumine
your path. He will do this as you read scripture. Put together an
aggressive schedule of daily Bible reading. Before you read, pray
and ask God to handle the issues and conflicts that you would
normally seek human counsel for. I read asking God to show me who
He was, how to love, how to forgive, how to heal, etc. The One
True God is the only one who knows you intimately, even better
than you know yourself. Seek His counsel rather than the counsel
of man.
Put Form
Back in Courtship-- Man
should be the initiator, woman the responder. Avoid the temptation
to pursue a man or call him. It is the man’s prerogative to
initiate dating and courtship, not the woman’s. Don’t accept a
date for Saturday after Tuesday. Expect men to respect you and to
show courtesy and deference by opening doors, getting your coat,
always picking up the tab. Only date those you think will be a
good mate. Don’t make idle promises or false representations,
always be truthful and kind. Make a man prove his intentions over
a period of time. Never assume anything about the future. Refrain
from sexualizing the friendship. Save sex for your future husband.
Don’t bring up marriage until he does, etc.
Start a Daily
Diary--
Journal your thought process. Writing is healing. I wrote Letters
to God, which helped me pour out the frustration, grief and joys
along my path. First thing in the morning is a good time to do
this.
Set Aside
Private Time for Prayer and Seeking God-- and Seeking God--
Pray on your knees daily, both morning and night. Humble yourself
before the Lord. Seek his will for your relationship life and your
future husband. Bathe every current relationship in prayer. Ask
God to reveal whether or not this person is the one He has chosen
for you. Expect to hear from God! Pray through all painful, past
relationships. Turn them over to God, repent of any sin, and ask
for inner healing of all those wounds.
Count on God In
Spite of Your Circumstances--
Faith is believing in something we can’t yet see. Trust in the
Lord with all your heart. He is our Provider of all our basic
needs and desires. Certainly marriage is one of the basics. Study
Genesis account of the first marriage and what God says about it
not being good for the man to be alone, and the need for a man to
have a helper.
Become a Master of
Forgiveness--
Forgive all those who have hurt you along life’s path. Forgiveness
is the key to learning how to love. Christ’s love for mankind was
principally expressed through his mercy and forgiveness. As we
extend the same to our family and friends, God is equipping us to
be a Godly wife. We will be able to love our husbands in the same
way Christ loves us.
Prepare Yourself
for Marriage--
Happily married people know something single people don’t know.
They have learned how to get married and stay married. Be a good
student. Study marriage and courtship books and biographies of
happily married Christians. I found many good books in church
libraries. Let God change your mind about men, marriage. Study
Proverbs and Psalms—Psalms is the most healing book of the Bible,
Proverbs teaches the most about wisdom.
Ask God to
Bring You a Good Husband--
Above all,
ask God to arrange a marriage for you! We need not shy away from
asking for our needs to be met by a Father who loves us! Pray for
your future husband and his family every day.
St. Paul
on Marriage
Contrary to popular belief, St. Paul was a strong advocate of the
institution of marriage. While he himself had the gift of
singleness, and chose to remain single to do God’s work, he
acknowledged in his writings that not everyone was similarly
gifted.
St. Paul’s most important instructions on the subject of marriage.
1Corinthians
7:2—Because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and
let each woman have her own husband.
Ephesians
5:22-33—Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is head of the
church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church
is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might
sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the
word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her
glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she
should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their
own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves
himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and
cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are
members of his own body. for this cause a man shall leave his
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall
become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with
reference to Christ and his church. Nevertheless let each
individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and
let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
1Timothy 4:1-5—But
the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away
from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and
doctrines of demons, by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in
their own conscience as with a branding iron, men who forbid
marriage and advocate abstaining from foods, which God has created
to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the
truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be
rejected, if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified
by means of the word of God and prayer.
1 Timothy
5:14—Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear
children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;
for some have already turned aside to follow Satan.
Hebrews 13:4—Let
marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be
undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Qualities &
Character in a mate By Solomon
Honest and Fair in His Dealings
A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight
is his delight. Proverbs 11:1
A Companion of Wise Men
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of
fools will suffer harm. Prov. 13:20
A Good Decision Maker
The naive believes everything, but the prudent man considers his
steps. A wise man is cautious and turns from evil, but a fool is
arrogant and careless. Prov. 14:15-16
Not Argumentative
Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of
feasting and strife. Prov 17:1
A Responsible Worker
He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.
Prov. 18:9
Honest
A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who tells lies will
perish. Prov. 19:9
Slow to Anger
A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to
overlook a transgression. Prov. 19:11
Charitable to the Poor
He who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord, and He will
repay him for his good deed. Prov. 19:17
Kind and Truthful
What is desirable in a man is his kindness, and it is better to be
a poor man than a liar. Prov. 19:22
Temperate and Sober
Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is
intoxicated by it is not wise. Prov 20:1
Known for His Good Deeds
It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself--if his
conduct is pure and right. Prov. 20:11
Respectful of Authority/Honoring to
Parents
He who curses his father or his mother, his lamp will go out in
time of darkness. Prov. 20:20
Loyal, Faithful and Righteous
Loyalty and truth preserve the king, and he upholds his throne by
righteousness. Prov. 20:28
In Control of His Tongue
He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from
troubles. -Prov 21:23
Respected by Others
A good name is to be more desired than great riches. Prov. 22:1
For all
occasions....
